Tuesday, January 12, 2010

New Look for a New Outlook

So I changed my blog look.... cool huh?

I need to tweak some things, but realized that I'm in limbo between primary IF and secondary IF. We are planning on TTC again in April/May and I know that all my IF fears will come FLOODING back. I'm afraid of going through it again. I'm afraid of NOT being able to have a sibling for my dear son. I'm afraid I'll never get the daughter I crave.

And with all of that I feel like I'm 'cheating' on my son for wanting more than one. Fun posts acomin'!

So back to my resolutions...
My day:
6:30a wake up, get dressed, wake up baby, feed baby, dress baby, get out the door by 7:30am
8a-4:30p work
4:30p-5:30p: Drive 30 min to get the baby, and drive 30 min home.
5:30p-6:somethingp: Feed and play with baby
6:something - 7ish: Give the baby a bath, feed, put to bed.
7:30p eat dinner
8:00p pack lunch, pack baby's stuff, find outfit for work that is clean and fits, wash pump. Normally done by 9:30p.
9:30p: Make dinner for tommorrow? Do laundry? Get a shower? Perhaps a little TV?
10p: Collapse exhausted into bed so can wake up and repeat.

Ummm.... where are my projects supposed to get done? Weekends are all "play with baby while cleaning the house" but at least Fri. and Sat. nights I don't have to pack anything so that is an extra 1.5 hours to do stuff. But I'd kinda like to hang out with my hubby....

This working mom thing kinda blows.

So, yelling at myself....I need to be HAPPY. I need to be SETTLED. I need to commit to my job and stop looking for something else. By committing I can nestle down and be happy. I need to accept that I can't be the SAHM that I long to be, and sure if we made different decisions in the past then things would be different now, but we DIDN'T make those decisions and things AREN'T different now so suck it up!

Gotta pump. More later.

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