Thursday, July 31, 2008

My Happy Life

So I realized last night that when I'm not thinking (or being forced to think) about baby stuff then I'm a pretty happy person. And then I'm surrounded by pregnant women talking about it and I get sad. Luckily, most of the pregnant people I know live out of state so I have no worries.

One of my coworkers is leaving for a new job today and I'm kinda bummed. She was a great woman to work with, and in my office of cackling witches, it was nice to have someone sane to talk to. I really respect and admire her. That got me thinking about another former coworker at a different job who I have plans to have lunch with next week. There are a lot of similarities between them. They are both friendly, perpetually positive, outgoing, hard working both at work and at home, and always seem to be moving forward. Interestingly enough, these are the same traits my mother has. These are NOT traits I have. I'm lazy and a horrific procrastinator. I feel very passive to their active, and yet I'm a control freak. Its a weird combo. But I strive to be more like these women because I hope when I'm a mom I can be more like them. (Neither of them have children though. One is about to start trying, and the other doesn't really want to be pregnant and is toying with the idea of adoption. $10 says the one that is about to start trying will be pregnant before me. She was also the "God's will" one and if she gets pregnant easily she will be insufferable.)

Speaking of God's will, does anyone have an interest in knowing about the URL I chose? Well, I was at a wedding last weekend and the evangelical preacher kept talking about the 'Heavenly Glue' holding the couple together. I couldn't stop laughing. Neither could the bridesmaids or the rest of the audience. It just sounds so messy! But then I thought, how fun for a blog URL? I mean, you read a lot about 'sticky beans' on TTC sites, so what makes them stick? How about some heavenly glue? Or a sanctified staple? How about some holy tape? Bet you didn't know that God ran an office supply company....

Anyhoo I have 2 days until I'm smacked in the face by a pregnant woman, 9 days until my doctors appointment, 13 days until my D.H.'s appointment. Apparently August is a busy month.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

What makes a day lucky?

So I finally managed to get the appointment. You may wonder why on earth I would still want to see a doctor that left me on hold for that long. Well, that's just how doctors work. At least the away voicemail gave the doctor's cell phone number for emergencies, and when I did get through they were very nice to me.

How I chose my doctor:

My Aunt is a L&D nurse at the hospital near my work. I toured the hospital while working on my master's degree in women's health since my friend (who is now pregnant) was writing a paper on hospital birth centers. I likes aspects of the hospital, and I liked the fact that my Aunt works there and would be able to get me the 'good' room. So I asked her which OB she would reccomend. She had LOTS of stories, and it all boiled down to Dr. FutureOB. Since I've been recieveing my 'lady parts' care from my PCP who, as it turns out, knows NOTHING about fertility, I decided I needed to see a real OB/GYN for help in why my cycles are all wacky. So I call Dr. FutureOB and her office asks me if I'm pregnant. "Well, that's the problem," I reply "I'd like to be but seem to be having problems." So they tell me they can only accept pregnant patients, but refer non-pregnant patients to Dr. GYN who is a fertility specialist, who then refers them back when they are pregnant. Fine. Well, it turns out the Dr. GYN is also one of my friend's GYNs who was reccomened to me ages ago! So I consider this fate, and think its nice that my new GYN is also an RE. So my appointment is for 08/08/08. In numerology (in the back of YM magazine, back in the day) 8 was my number. So...I'm hoping its a good sign.

So what am I hoping for?

Am I hoping to be totally fine and just need more patience or do I want a problem that modern medicine can fix? On one hand, who doesn't want to be 'normal', but on the other hand it would be nice to do something more active then just having all the sex. I'm hoping maybe for some mild endometriosis, nothing that a little laproscopic surgery couldn't fix right up, resulting in me being superfertile. My hubby has an appointment with a urologist soon, and I think I may be more scared for him. We talked about how fertility issues strike at the heart of your gender identity because that seems to be the big factor seperating men & women. There was actually an article online the other day ( about the prejudice against infertile women in Africa. It makes you wonder, do we have the same prejudice here, yet only more covert? I mean, people seem to have a lot of opinions of who should and should not have children in this country.

As a side note, I'm Catholic, and if sex is only supposed to be for procreation, then what happens if you are unable to procreate? I had a friend mention 'God's will' to me in terms of not being able to conceive and I'm sorry, but my God just couldn't do that to me. God wouldn't instill knowledge into doctors about ways to cure infertility if we were just supposed to accept it and move on. My bigger dilemna is how far am I willing to go? Hubby and I had a nice dinner last night and tried to discuss it, but basically we decided that we will get our results and deal with what comes. I am so thrilled to know that he feels the same way I do; that he also has problems being happy for our pregnant friends, and is not opposed to avoiding them at all costs.

Meanwhile, I have cramps but very low flow. I never thought I'd miss my periods so much.

Monday, July 28, 2008

And so it begins...

Once upon a time, I was terrified at the idea of becoming pregnant. I was in college, in a long term relationship, and just about every month before AF was due, my boyfriend and I would sit and talk about what we would do (heaven forbid) if I was pregnant. Fast forward a couple years and a new boyfriend and I had an 'opps' moment with a breaking condom, forcing me to frantically try to secure Emergency Contraception. (Not an easy task.) Fast forward again, and I am right this very moment sitting on hold (for over 12 minutes!!) to try to make an appointment with a highly reccomended GYN/RE to discuss why I am not pregnant after 10 months.

Some of you are now scoffing. "10 months?! That's nothing!" Yeah, I know. That's why I wanted to name the blog "The Turtle Club" in honor of those of us who seem to just be taking their sweet time to conceive. But then trouble started. My nice regular 30/32 day cycles became 40/45 day cycles. My 4-5 day periods are now maybe 2 days at the most. According to my temps I ovulate, and some months we have done everything perfectly and yet things don't seem to happen.

Meanwhile, just about everyone I know who is married is pregnant. No, that is NOT an exaggeration. My hubby is one of those people who's friends have all settled into the same area that they grew up in (but not him. We moved away.) And of those of his friends who are married, all but 1 is pregnant and that 1 hasn't stated trying yet. That makes 4 couples. Plus 3 couples that we know locally, and 1 that is in a different state. So that means right now I know 8 pregnant woman, and that doesn't include the ones that have just started trying, or the ones I went to college with that have posted their babies/pregnancies on MySpace. Many of these people were pregnant within 2-3 months of trying. Apparently I'm good luck for pregnancies...other than my own.

So I sit on hold (20 minutes now) racked with PMS, feeling the first twinge of AF and wondering if IF is genetic. My mom TTC'd for 2-3 years before having my brother. She had all the doctor's appointments and they said she was fine, and yet still had a hard time partially to her low weight and partially to her 40 day cycles. Meanwhile, her mother had 6 kids, so go figure.

So welcome to my journey. Pray that I'm just being silly and just didn't give it enough time. Meanwhile join me as I try to navigate doctors (25 minutes on hold!), frustrations, and trying to hold my sh*t together while attending events where all of my friends are preggo. Basically, just trying to get myself back on my feet.

After being on hold for 27 minutes, I hung up and called back. The call catcher informed me that THE OFFICE WAS CLOSED!!! They left me on hold and went to lunch!!!!! WTF?!