38w5d...9 days to go!

Today I had a Drs appnt with a new doctor because my regular doctor was on vacation. Wasn't bad. Baby is still head down, I'm measuring fine, I gained 0 pounds so I'm holding steady at 199. I'm still only 1 cm but I'm more like 80% effaced! I'm also so tired I could cry. The baby is kicking pretty regularly and the doctor estimates the baby is over 7lbs!! There is a full grown baby rumbling around in there!! How crazy is that?!

Today our DVR reciever broke. :( I'm mourning the loss of the shows I had taped that I haven't gotten to watch. And the 2 days we will be without TV. Double :(

Last night my mom came over for her birthday. It was a lot of fun! I always have a good time hanging out with my mom and I'm excited for her to become a grandmom.

Did I mention how tired I am? sigh. Its only going to get worse when the baby comes so I guess I got to suck it up.

I watched "16 and pregnant" on Mt.v during lunch. Its so funny to get the teenage perspective on where I'm at. I couldn't have handled this at 16. I also wasn't having s.x at 16 because I knew I couldn't handle this. My cuz who is going to be a single mom in January is older than them, but still... when you are not actively trying to NOT get pregnant, and then you do, you can't say its an 'accident.' An 'accident' is where you are wearing 2 cond.ms, are on the pill, and withdrawling. Otherwise its just nature. "oh, I didn't use any protection and now I'm pregnant. How did that happen?" Seriously? I could slap each and every one of them. Except for the one that gave her baby up for adoption. She deserves extra hugs. That has got to be SUCH a hard thing to do, and I totally admire her for doing it . There are so many people that would LOVE to adopt a baby, and can offer more than a 16 year old mom can. Her and her bf deserve major major props. I was sobbing watching her story, it was so beautiful. G-d bless her.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel...

So my last doctor's appointment was WAY more comfortable than the one before. Whew! I read a great reccomendation on the BBcntr community boards suggesting to put your fists under your hips to raise them just enough to allow the dr better access to your cervix. Sure, it wasn't a party but it didn't make me scream. And the good news? I'm 50% effaced and 1cm dialated! I also only gained 1lb! Good stuff. And now my dr is on vaca until Aug 3, so I REALLY hope I don't go into labor before then. I still have an appointment this week but with someone else. We'll see how that goes.

This weekend we got SO much done! We are almost 100% packed for the hospital, and the car's are clean and car seat's installed. The house is put together but needs to be a little more organized. I have piles of stuff that need to go in other places. Not too bad, but moving stuff is a LOT of work right now. Too many stairs! Still, I feel pretty good that we are where we should be.

Its kinda sad to think I am near the end. I mean, it took so long to get pregnant, and then after all the fears of staying pregnant, to be at the point where I soon won't be pregnant anymore is weird. It feels vaugley... empty. I mean, right now I have this super special time with my little one. I get to spend all day with the baby, playing with its little 'feet' and talking to it, and do so all by myself. Soon, I'm going to have to share. And its a lot harder to ignore a baby that is not internal. Pregnancy is the ultimate multi-tasking... I can take care of the baby and myself at the same time! And I am terrified of labor. I have no idea what to expect, and THAT is what scares me. But I'm ready to be done. I'm swollen and uncomfortable and tired and anxious to meet my baby.

Meanwhile, at work...

Ugh. I'm ready to be done here too! I wish I didn't have to come back after the baby is born. I'm so tired of some of my coworkers. I mean, I appreciate that they are stepping up to filling in for me (because the boss is making them) but some are way better than others. I have 2 that take it in stride, do what they can, and move on. But there is this one.... ugh. She is so fricking PANICKED it is annoying. I mean, one is awesome! She just steps on in and does what needs to be done, and figures that if something gets dropped, it gets dropped but she'll do the best she can. GREAT attitude, and SO helpful!! The panicky one has to write lists dividing up our duties, sends me all employer stuff, refuses to answer questions or take responsibility etc. She is making it hard for me to decide what is best for me and the baby because I have to take care of her too. And she's significantly older than me! What a pain.

Currently, I don't think I'm going to go past my due date, but we shall see. I've had some bad menstrual cramp like feelings that come and go, and some diareha, and some pelvic pressure, and my heartburn is much much less. All signs of immenent labor? Perhaps...

Coming down the home stretch

I'm now at the 'weekly' doctor appointment stage, and get to enjoy the thrill of 'pants off' visits. My OB has very short fingers, and being a tall thin woman I have tall thin lady parts. Well, this requires my short OB with her short fingers to practically use her whole arm to do a cervical check and this hurts like a son-of-a-gun!! And the best part? I tore. Well crap. If I can't get through a cervical check without pain and tearing then I'm thinking that delivery may suck. I really want to try natural, but I am totally open to changing my mind.

So the baby is measuring fine, my cervix is appropriatly mushy, no dialation yet, and I've gained 4 lbs in 1 week. About 95% of that is pure water. You should see my feet!! Its amazing that they don't pop!! Otherwise, the baby is moving like crazy (almost painfully so) and I'm too tired to function. I feel awful that hubby is taking on so many of the household chores, but I am SO grateful. He is the best.

The nursery is almost together and now I have to go through the shower gifts and organize them, etc. The problem is I'm am still so scared of jinxing things! I'm terrified that after all of this I won't get to come home with a baby. I know that cutting a tag off a onesie isn't going to effect my birth outcome, but it almost seems too optimistic. It still seems unreal.

I feel so lucky, and so blessed to be in this situation. I can't wait to meet the little one and not be kicked in the ribs anymore, though it will be weird not to be pregnant anymore. We are trying to do back to back babies since our RE said that is our best chance for a sibling, so god willing, I won't be 'unpregnant' for too long! Then I can start worrying about secondary IF. I'd probally be willing to try for a break between babies if I wasn't so worried about not being able to have more.

So one step at a time...

Another shower!!

So last weekend we were planning on going to PA for DH's best friend's bday. We go up after our infant care class on Saturday, and hang out with SIL and family that night. The next day we go to church with DH's BF and then all go swimming. After that we were going to swing by MIL's for some lunch and to get the gift she had for us. It all seemed so unplanned, so spur of the moment, so casual... all very DH and all very normal.

Well we get to MIL's house and there was a balloon on the mail box. Okay, I thought, and gee, there are a lot of cars here, that's odd. And why are there all those people holding balloons in the backyard? Wait a minute... Its a shower!!

Everyone was like, "are you surprised?" and I was like, "surprised?! I had NO IDEA! It never occured to me to even be suspicious!" They were like, didn't you think it odd that no PA people came to your shower? And I was like, I figured you were busy and its a long drive. It was fun. My friends from NJ were there which was AWESOME! I got nice gifts, and tons of food, and got to see people from MIL's family that I dont' see very often. And our PA friends brought their babies, which made opening gifts even more interesting since I got to see baby's reactions. All very cool.

Otherwise:
Still feeling okay... baby is kicking like CRAZY! and I have this shooting pain in my back, as in it is hard to breathe. I am so bored at work, and have so much to do but am so totally procrastinating. I have a plan to have it all done in the next week or two, so we should be fine. I met up with a friend who is due a few days (6) before me. It is so funny looking at the picture! She is carrying kinda flat and I'm all sticky-outtie. My mom saw it and said it looks like she's having a girl and I'm having a boy. I'm actually starting to lean toward team blue now. up until recently, I was convinced it was a girl... then I was iffy... and now I'm pretty sure its a boy. But we'll find out in 5 weeks and 2 days. At first I was afraid I would be dissappointed if it was a boy, but after playing with the babies in PA (all boys) , I think I will be fine. DH says our next one will be a girl. I said if not then I'm going for 3!! I really want (at least) one of each. But baby seems healthy, and other than being swollen and tired the pregnancy isn't so bad. I wish I had more energy to get all I have to get done, done. But I do feel motivated for the at home stuff. Today I'm going to go straight home from work and clean up the house a little. SIL & BIL are coming down on Friday to help with the nursery, and I already warned them the house will not be clean, but I don't want it to be downright slovenly! There are some easy things to do. The problem is I could really use DH's help is carrying things downstairs but he is working tonight and as softball tommorrow. So lots of small trips...

I really REALLY can't wait to meet this baby!! We met with a pediatrician today who seems great, so once the nursery is together I'll be good to go!