Two in one day!

Yeah, you lucky, non-exsistent reader! You get two blogs in one day! About the same issue. Sorry...

I'm just back from the bathroom where I had myself a nice little weep. Just thinking, this birthday will be the first anniversary of the first time we 'pulled the goalie' so to speak. I had been off bcp for about 3 months, was having regular cycles, and excitedly celebrating my last 'unfettered' birthday. Sure, hubby was still freaking out about the idea of becoming a dad and we weren't 'trying' in that we weren't doing all the millions of things we do now. At the time I didn't know about BBT, CM, RE, PCOD, Endo, FF, OPK or any of the other terms I use regularly now. I was hopeful, optimistic, and saw no reason why I wouldn't be a mom or pregnant by my next birthday.

My last chance, this is my last chance. If I'm not pregnant this cycle then I will officially NOT be a mom or pregnant by my birthday. I think about that happy optimistic girl that I was last year, cheerfully saying goodbye to my 20's and openly embracing my 30's. I was really excited about turnng 30, and all year I have been really happy to be 30. This 31 shit is for the birds.

I suddenly feel...old.