Thursday, May 7, 2009

Feeling Blessed...

And in pain. But mostly blessed.

Yesterday I would have moments of panic, about losing the baby. Luckily, at week 27th there is a good chance that even if we needed to birth the baby now, it would survive. But then you think about the umbillical cord around its neck, trauma to the uterus, bizarre medical issues, etc.

So I google the odds of a healthy baby, and guess what? The odds of this kid growing up and outliving me are TOTALLY in my favor.

But then I go to an awards ceremony last night, and someone wants to get past me (even though there were LOTS of places to sit where she doesn't need to crawl over an obviously pregnant woman) and not thinking I pick up my legs, and pull them into my chest. I should have just slid my legs to the side, but noooo.... I had to go thinking that I was all skinny and stuff. And that's when the cramping happened. Now I don't know if it was contractions, or growing pains or what, but it felt a lot like menstual cramps that would come... and go.... and come....and come..... and go... I didn't like it one bit so I went home, took a shower, and focused my mind on something else while resting on the couch. Then I went to bed early. I'm feeling much better today and baby is bouncing around.

Of course, I'm running on little sleep thanks to the incredible pain in my hips and calf all night long. I just can't get comfortable! And the thunderstorm didn't help much either. Yoga is tonight and that normally makes me feel so much better. And tommorrow we go on vacation to Williamsburg. Yay!

But about the feeling blessed. I was reading a post on a blog about an older mother trying to concieve and just lost their baby. And all I can think is, thank you G-d. We were able to concieve 'naturally' (well, following surgery), and have had a healthy pregnancy so far. (knock on wood) I'm so scared about losing this baby because I love it so much. And I've been so scared to get ready for the baby because I'm so scared of jynxing myself. It still all feels too good to be true! I'm really getting excited about giving my baby a big hug and a kiss, and can't wait for the crazy upsidedownedness of being a new mom.

In yoga, we do this meditation where we are breathing out healing energy to all the moms giving birth. Secretly, I choose to channel my healing energy to all the moms that have yet to concieve and carry to term. I think they need it more.

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