Thursday, April 23, 2009

Feeling trapped

First a disclaimer...

I'm thrilled to be pregnant. I can't wait to have this baby.

Now the bee in my bonnent:

I just had my performance evaluation today and I am so confused. The actual written evaluation was not too shabby, but my boss started with how there were two issues that need to be addressed because of complaints. Umm....what? Essentially, it was one complaint: that members of the staff didn't feel that they were able to have their opinions heard about the events and I've been doing it without their involvement. Yes.... because my job is to be the event coordinator. My whole purpose for being in this office is to plan events. My job description is to plan events. My events have been spot on, gaining me kudos from other on campus departments, employers, students, etc. People talk about how coming to our job fairs are so much better than other schools in the area. And my boss admits that I do a good job at the fairs. So.... what's the problem? Well, other staff want to have a say in how the events are marketed, and he wants me to have to go through a newly created in office marketing committee. Fine. I suggested why doesnt' the committee just take responsibility for marketing the events because then I can focus on other, more interesting aspects of my job. Then they get to see how fun it is to have to try to get people to show up. And if they want to have more say in the emplyoers that attend, then why doesn't the employer relations coordintor stop mucking about and actually relate to employers so we can get a more diverse mix. By the end of the whole thing, what I realized is he got in trouble with his boss for complaints that other staff members have made to his boss, so his boss told him we need to be more of a team. So instead of taking that as something HE needs to work on, he blames me (and other staff members who had similar words show up in their evals) for not being more of a team player. Trust me, I WANT to be a team player, but the staff sucks. Not all of them, just half. They are mean, backstabbing, unproffessional women who don't want to "offer an opinion", they want to tell you what to do because they are automatically right and therefore you are wrong. I am so fricking frustrated.

So I look at other jobs, and find a couple that look promising... but I'm 6 months pregnant. I can't fit into any suits, including the maternity suit jacket that I recently bought! How can I interview? Who will hire a woman who is a breath away from materinity leave? I'm not eligable for FMLA unless I'm employed for a year so I can't do a damn thing about anything. I just have to suck it up and deal. I wish I didn't have to work once the baby was born. I wish I could throw myself into creating a great home for my family, and being a wonderful wife and mother. But no. We need the money to pay the student loans. So here I am, totally impot*nt and stuck dealing with these shitty people and their passive aggressive ideas.

What I wouldn't give for a good boss...

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