Well the reason I can't relax is because these are the characters I work with. Let's see...there is a Miss Mean, Miss Crazy, Miss Indecisive, and Mr. Ineffective. These are the only four that cause me grief (keep in mind, that including me there are 14 people in my office (4 GAs, 1 Part Time, and 9 other staff) and recently, 3 people have quit because the four characters I mentioned are just that bad. Mr. Ineffective is a very nice person, but he is supposed to be our leader and avoids conflict at all cost. Miss Indecisive also avoids conflict, though not as much, and is still inclined to bow to other's opinions without often having one of her own. Miss Crazy will be your BFF one minute, and then biting your head off the next, and Miss Mean is...well...mean! All three Misses are on this one committee that basically sit around claiming to be marketing but really just telling other people what to do. Its the Power Trip Committee and they are making me miserable.
So I wonder, is the fact that my chest hurts and I'm nauseus just about every day have something to do with why I'm not pregnant? I'm certainly not relaxed. When you think about it, I spend more of my time either at work, going to work, or preparing for work (shopping for work lunches, laundry and ironing, etc.) then I actually do relaxing. Then on weekends I do real estate, which I don't particularly enjoy.
Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on this baby, like I'm expecting it to "save" me. I don't know why, I guess I'm just hoping for some perspective. I'll still be working after the kid, most likely full time, and I'll have even less time to relax, but I'm hoping that the work stuff will seem less important in comparison. If after this appointment on Friday I learn that I have major issues, then that will direct me. There so many things I'm putting off (like changing jobs) because if I get pregnant then I won't have sick days saved up, I may not be eligable for FMLA, etc. Or I could go get a second Master's degree but I don't want to start a program, and then drop out to have a kid. So maybe I'm putting too much pressure on my doctor.
Maybe I'm just putting too much pressure on me. Maybe I just need to say "F*ck it" and let the loonies run the asylum.