Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Stressin' out

So yesterday I was crazy tired...and today I am the exact opposite. I woke up on my own before 7am and was wide awake. Of course, I was just coming off this crazy, vivid dream. Most of it wasn't particularly interesting. I was visiting a friend at her apartment. I remember the laundry room, and how all the apartments opened into the laundry area, but her area had a separate door for her private washer and drier...and I remember being in the parking lot because we were going somewhere...then we were at a store and my brother was there! (He lives in a different state but is coming into town for the holidays.) Anyhoo, all his friends from high school were there and kept coming up to give him hugs. I was waiting to give him a hug, but then yet another friend came up and jumped in line ahead of me, so I tried to push them out of the way because it was my turn. Then my brother took me aside and told me he had a wonderful announcement... him and his girlfriend were pregnant! He was so wistful and in awe and excited, and all I could do was cry and yell at him for taking my moment from me and how I was supposed to have the first grandchild etc. Then I left and felt just awful about how I acted. So I texted an apology. I was so glad when I woke up to realize the whole thing was a dream!!

I think it relates to my anxiety about tonight. You see, tonight we tell my parents. I made the card that says "You've always been great parents.... now you'll be GRANDparents." and have my story for why I'll be there all set. But I'm scared that telling them will jinx the whole thing, that I'll go to my sonogram on Wed. (tomorrow!) and find out its a blighted ovum or ectopic pregnancy or something. And meanwhile I'm having cramps. I read that cramps (without bleeding) are normal and just a sign of your uterus stretching, but it sure feels like AF is on her way. I'm only 5w4d (I think). AF is only 10 days late. What if this too was just a dream...

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