1st Trimester Screen

So today we went to the Doctor (whom I hope our insurance covers) for our first trimester screen. We were having a combined screen, with blood work and nuchal fold translucency. I woke up early, had a full bladder, and was ready to role. The hospital is SUCH a maze! We finally got where we wanted to be, had a little finger stick for the blood test (not bad) and then got to have the ultrasound. First, let me say how cute my baby is!! We saw its profile, and its little nose, and its little fingers and toes and feet and hands and arms and legs and heartbeat (165 bpm) and it measured at 6.12 cm. The fun was trying to get the baby to bounce so we could get a good measurement. Apparently, the baby wasn't listening. It was just happily going along on its 10 minutes sleep/wake cycle, and couldn't care less what we wanted it to do. It would bounce as soon as the probe was in the wrong place. Silly baby. The challenge is having someone push on your uterus while you REALLY have to pee, so they let me let some out which felt so much better. Still, it was awfully entertaining to be able to watch the screen and see the little baby wave and put its hand in its mouth. Its funny that all this movement is happening and I can't feel a thing! But I'm watching the screen and just falling in love with the little alien in my belly.

Which made it harder when the doctor told me that the nuchal fold was measuring a little big. She said not to worry, and once the blood work came back they would send it all to my OB for my full risk factor. It is entirely possible that there is still a low risk. And regardless of group, there is still a chance that everything will be fine. I'm SO happy I only have to wait until Tuesday to find out. I feel surprisingly calm about it. Perhaps because I'm SO tired now that the adreneline is worn off. Or that there is so much to worry about this week that has nothing to do with the baby. Or just that I have faith in G-d that we are going to get the baby that is right for us. Or just that there is nothing to worry about until Tuesday. We shall wait and see....

So sleepy...

Yesterday I had to call in sick from work since I was too tired to finish combing my hair. Crazy, huh? I'm no longer nauseus, but now I'm crazy crazy tired. At least tommorrow starts week 12, so I should be coming down the home stretch! Of course, I feel bad using one of my precious sick days for this purpose...but I was really that tired!

Monday is my 1st trimester screen and I'm nervous. Not so nervous that they'll find a problem, but nervous that my insurance will cover it. Not that I have ever had an insurance problem, but I really don't have the money. Espcially since our utility bill is kicking our butt. I have to come up with $160 from our savings account to cover the difference from what I budgeted to what the bill is!! And now DH wants to go to a concert that is $90! I don't want to go $90 worth (especially since it will be in May!)

Gotta run and do work stuff!

Finally! Double digits!

So we're now at 10.5 weeks. Woohoo! Sure, its not a milestone like hitting the second trimester, but it kinda feels like when you had your 10th birthday. It just felt like a big deal. I'm not feeling too nauseus anymore, or at least nothing regular. It comes and goes, mostly in the later afternoon. Mostly I'm so frickin tired all the time, which also gets worse in the later afternoon. And depending on how many times I had to get up and pee depends on how tired I am.

We have big scary prenatal testing coming up on the 26th. That's when we'll do the nuchal transparancy. Not too worried, but looking forward to a good result. Then one more week until my 2nd OB appointment. It really does seem to be going fast! Just think, by the end of this month I'll hit the second trimester! I just keep praying that everything will be okay.

First OB Appointment

So yesterday was the 1st appointment as a non-IFer. VERY different expereince. I mean, there were pregnant women in the office, the office was less busy, and it wasn't nearly as depressing. The doctor is super nice, and did a great job answering our questions. Then she brought out the doppler (not trans-vaginal, an abdominal doppler) and said she would try to see if she could find the heartbeat, but not to stress since it may still be a little to early to hear it externally. So we were well prepared, and honestly, I didn't expect anything. I mean, its only 9weeks4days. Well, surprise to us all when she found it pretty darn quickly!!! Wow! I cried. I still can't believe that this is real. My pants are getting tight, I have a super teeny bump (kinda just looking fat), and my morning sickness has quieted significantly. I got a couple of weeks until the 2nd trimester, but life is pretty good right now. So, of course, I'm totally waiting for the other shoe to drop. What's the catch (so to speak)? I have to call and make an appointment for 1st trimester screening for Down's Syndrome and Trisomy, and it makes me very nervous though Doc doesn't think we are much of a risk. Finger's crossed that she's right!

The Post Holiday Update

Sorry for the delay. When I'm not at work I avoid a computer at all costs. Now that I'm back, I'll give you the big points:

• First, let me just say that I love working for higher ed since I love having 2 weeks off for break. But coming back from break is MISERABLE! I have so very much work to do, and no motivation.
• Christmas was a fun filled whirlwind of a week. I didn't kill my bro's gf, my grandmother's mind is starting to go (I think), and all in all I really love my family. Hubby's family isn't too shabby either. We finally told all of our family and the MIL, as expected, told a whole sh*tload of people even though we told her not to. Personally, I think that is incredibly rude. I mean, its not her news to tell!! I also heard some horror stories of how she acted in the hospital with SIL. I'm not sure I want her to be in the hospital at all. Could we just call her AFTER we get home? Lord knows the only overnight guest I want in our house is MY mother the week after birth. Out of town guests need to ante up for the hotel. Anyhoo, got some fun gifts, had lots of fun family time, and got to tell my grandpa that he will be a great-grandfather. That was super cool! And I was surprised by how excited my brother was!
• Week after Christmas I had such big plans. But... I got off my feeding schedule. I know I need to eat as soon asmy eyes open, but instead I chose to roll over and read a book. This meant by the time I got around to eatting I was naueous. Once the nausea sets in, it doesn't really leave. So I spent the whole week sitting on the couch, and napping. I did get out to visit people a couple times, but all the crafts, organizing, projects etc that I had planned to do with my full week of free time kinda got left behind. As did our budget. I'm scared to check the bank statement to see how we totally blew it!
• Had our last (hopefully EVER) RE appointment (though I will see her for routine GYN care). Its amazing. The baby went from a spec in the upper corner of a black ball to, well, an actually little person! In just a few weeks we went from 2.5 mm to 2.5 cm! I'm measuring EXACTLY what I think I should be (9 weeks and 2 days today) and the baby had all of its arms and legs and a heartbeat. We didn't get to hear the heartbeat because she didn't have a doppler (she doesn't see pregnant patients) but we saw it. And I saw the baby wiggle its little butt. (Hubby missed this, and swears he will NEVER take his eyes off the monitor again.) My first OB appointment is this Wednesday. I took off because my mom is having a red hat's party in the morning that I'm going to go to and help at, and then meet hubby for the doctor.
• All in all, I feel great! Tired as all get out, but that is to be expected. I really need to get some work stuff done today, and I REALLY need to clean up some of the stuff at home. My goal (or resolution)? 1 hour a day of project stuff. So I work until 6p, then gym (not today) until 7p, home by 7:30p, dinner over by 8:30p, project until 9:30p, shower etc until 10p, and TV until 11p. Totally doable, right? The only downside is that I'm so freaking lazy! I'm trying to break out of that so I can be the type of woman I would want my daughter to be. Or just a good role model in general. At the very least, I'd like to get some stuff done around the house.

So all in all, life is good. WAY better than I deserve (not that I'm a bad person or anything, but I just feel so freakin' blessed and keep thanking G-d ever chance I get because I firmly believe in G-d's plan and am very thrilled that it is a positive one when that hasn't always been the case.) I just caught up on all my blogs and realized that our situation could have been so much worse. We really dodged a bullet.

So happy new years to everyone!

Rant about the SAHM

Last night I was at a Christmas party and was participating in one converstaion when the person I was talking with was distracted by his wife mentioning his name. So I started eavesdropping. It was essentially a conversation about how she wanted more children, but he wasn't ready. Then she jumped into this tirade about how she would never have children if she had to put them in daycare because she believed that was just an awful thing to do. Hmmmm... All I could think was, "This woman must have gotten pregnant really easily." I remember days when I was convinced that I would never be able to have children (even adopted children since we wouldn't be able to afford the $20K) and being faced with the very real possibility of not being able to have children, the very last thing I was worried about was having to put them in daycare.

I guess this taps into my deeper resentment of stay-at-home mothers. First, lets be clear that this all stems almost entirely from jealousy. I would LOVE to be a SAHM, but I had to go and fall in love with a social worker with student loans. I've done the math six ways from sunday and there is NO WAY that we could get by without my salary. Heck, we could sell my car, cancel all cable, phone, and internet service, and eat ramen and we STILL wouldn't be able to afford it. Unless maybe we chose to live in a tent. But that's not a possibility. So with that being said, here are my pet peeves:

1. Mothers that can comfortably afford to stay home but choose to work anyway. Yes, its a valid choice, and its great showing your children an equality of the sexes but quit your bitchin! I've had women in this situation complain about how hard it is... but how greatful they are for their housekeeper. And how frustrated they are over how long its taking to have their kitchen totally remodeled. And how they didn't have the brand new steamer washing machine avaliable in the color they wanted. Yeah, no pity for you.

2. Mothers that stay at home and work less than 20 hours a week. And they complain about how hard it is to have to leave their kids, but how its kind of a vacation, and how its nice to have the extra money to cover their housekeeper. (seriously? Am I the only one without a housekeeper?)

3. Stay at home mothers that complain about the term "working mothers" in that they believe it implies that they don't work. Yes, taking care of children is a full time job. Yes, its work. But again with the quittin of the bitchin. They will say, "some mornings I'm so busy I don't even get to brush my teeth! And then I'm running to the bus stop in my pajama pants." Well, I kind have to brush my teeth before work AND I have to actually wear clothes. So I'm going to find a way to get child up, dressed, packed, and get myself up, dressed, and packed, and then drive them off to my parents house (45 min away) and then 45min back to work, doing the same thing in reverse in the afternoon, and also cooking dinner getting the child ready for bed, and then having to find a moment to clean up the house. So if a SAHM is 'working' then I will be working 2 full time jobs. (plus a couple part time jobs to help make ends meet.) So, no, I will never say a SAHM is a working mom since they are 2 distinct and different things.

Did I mention I have a Master's degree in Women's Studies? Seriously, I do. They are probally going to take back the diploma after this! But like I said, this all stems from jealousy.

Well that sucked...

This morning I was having a crazy dream about how I was getting ready for a date (?) with this guy and him and his mom (??) were coming over. I ran to use the outside (???) bathroom in my old house which was the filthiest bathroom ever, when he showed up with his mom (both were Korean. Figure that out.) and my mom was giving them the tour. She was outside the bathroom door which had no lock and I was yelling to her to not come in but she was talking and didn't hear me so I was about to be caught pants down by my date and his mother and then...

Woke up and totally had to pee. This posed a dilemna since I feel fine when I wake up, but the getting out of bed part makes me nauseated. But I had a dream where I had to pee which means I really had to pee. So I got up at 5am (!!!) and by the time I got back to bed I felt so sick that I couldn't fall back to sleep. Of course, hubby got up the same time I did and was worried about me (awww...) and I had to deal with him tossing and turning which made me feel a little sea sick. Why oh why didn't we spend the extra money to get the no motion transfer mattress?!

So by the time I was actually out of bed I felt just awful. And so far all day I have been miserably tired and nauseated. I finally felt 'hungry' and so I heated up a kashi meal and some frozen veggies, only to accidentally dump it on the carpeted floor of my office. Ew. The part I managed to salvage reinforced to me that meat, particullarly chicken, is a bad thing, and so are cooked veggies. I ate as much as I can (gagging) and then had a nice big piece of chocolate cake. Well the cake was AWESOME and totally gave me a little energy boost so I was able to actually get stuff done!! Now I'm back to being tired and nauseated.

I did call another friend today and told her I had recieved a christmas present that I can't open until August. She got it right away and was so happy for me. Its nice to be able to talk to someone who has recently been pregnant (2 kids ages 5 and 3) since it helped me feel a little less lonely.

Only 2 days until my 2 week holiday break!! Whoohoo!! Hopefully tommorrow I feel well enough for the 2 parties I have and the work I need to accomplish before break. And hopefully my office will stop smelling like chicken (gag.)

Oh, and in the midst of today's fun, hubby's car had to go to the shop for a $400 repair. What a joyful season!