The Results Are In...

Before giving the results, I think it is important to truly understand the weekend I just had. Thanksgiving itself was okay. Had a nice dinner at my parent's house with all of the extended family, couldn't remember if I left the oven on so I sent hubby home to check. All in all, it was fun. My Mom seemed sad and I think it was because it is the start of the holiday's and this is the first year without her mom. So I felt bad leaving for hubby's family's house since I wanted to help "fill in" so to speak.

So at hubby's mom's house his sister was there with her 2 little boys. They are always a good time and I had fun with them, but I feel close to the youngest of the boys so it was hard to be there wondering about the results of my test. And then it got worse. We went to visit hubby's best friend's new baby and let me tell you - NOTHING makes you feel more like an infertile then sitting for 5 hours talking about babies. Sister-in-law and friend's wife shared their pregnancy stories, and delivery stories, and new born stories...and I felt totally left out. I was also the DD so I only had one beer, (I know, so much for "treating my body like it was pregnant" but I figure one beer wouldn't hurt. I didn't drink at Thanksgiving.) Meanwhile, hubby drank and drank. What I didn't realize until later was that it was equally hard on him, and he was really upset. The next day I finger painted with the nephew's and then we went to go play a Turkey Bowl Football game with hubby's friends. Well, wouldn't you know it, we walk into the friend's house who is having the party...and there is a baby shower going on. What the F*ck!? Friend's wife is due in January, so her MIL was throwing a shindig. Well, I got the HELL out of there. I thought I would be safe at the game, but then ANOTHER very pregnant woman showed up to watch the game. I did have fun, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I was very grateful to get out of the state and go home.

So Saturday night it felt like Christmas. I still only had cramps that felt more like gas, I had no sign of AF, and I never wanted it as much as I did this month. Hubby, meanwhile, was DREADING the test because he didn't know how he would be able to help me through the aftermath of the crushing heartbreak.

This morning, we woke up, I peed in a cup, and dipped the stick in.
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Then we waited.
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Then I got up to check
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Then I burst into tears.
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Big
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FAT
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POSITIVE!!!!!!!

Holy Shit!

Hubby and I hugged and sobbed and laughed and generally freaked out. I kept checking the test and comparing it with the picture. There was no doubt, that line was PINK! Then the shell shock set in. I mean, do we go about our day like nothing happened? What does one do next? Well, we went to Church (it was Sunday after all), had confession (first day of advent), and then came home and ate. Periodically I would walk into a room and catch hubby staring into space. Total shell shock.

I'm trying to not be too excited. I want to confirm with the doctor before we tell anyone. Then Hubby wants to call his sister and I want to tell my parents in person. I'm so totally scared I'm going to wake up from this dream. I'm freaked out that something is going to go wrong and I'll lose the baby. I mean, what if this is just a chemical pregnancy? There are lots of people out there that know that BFP does not equal baby. I'm so scared I'm going to be one of them.

But today... I'm going to be happy.